There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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