see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize