I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
