does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
it's like heaven, but drunker
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
