We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize