I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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