Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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