I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Can Purell be used as lube?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
