at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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