So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
