No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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