What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
