I take back everything I said about communal showers
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
