is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
