once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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