I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
