Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
