Don't make out with my wife yet
if only i could text you this smell
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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