my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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