Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
