just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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