It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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