dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
