I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
