I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
