my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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