i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
