Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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