I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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