Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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