just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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