dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
