Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize