I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
