So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Holy sore nipples Batman
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
