I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
