I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
