you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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