she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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