I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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