I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
