Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize