i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
