if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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