I wanna passion pit in your ass
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize