he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
