you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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