I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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