fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
