Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
