I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
