wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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