I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
