but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
