he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
