checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
