and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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