Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
we should paint friendship bongs
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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