Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
