the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
