I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize