we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
